Kasper

THE RIGHT WORDS ARE ALWAYS HARD TO FIND

Dear Kasper, today you’re five years old.

Finding the right words to describe how much I love and appreciate you is difficult. You are tough, kind, smart, caring and intelligent. You never cease to impress me, and sometimes I’m so proud of you I think my heart will burst. You amaze me every single day. I love you.

Our last year has had a lot of ups and downs, but you never once stopped trusting me. Even when I told you you had to move to your fathers’ and leave your friends and the only place you’ve known as home behind, you trusted me. You cried once, when you realised you had to tell your best friend you were moving and you knew he would be upset. Your heart is filled with love, and how you care for others even at the age of five is beautiful. I’m the proudest mom on earth, and you are the best boy in the world.

Every time I get to see you I can see you flourish. Moving to a stable home, predictable with healthy adults and reliable routines was and is the best for you right now. And even though my heart breaks every time I think about how I can’t give you that at this moment in life, I know that you trust me enough to know that one day we’ll be a safe and sound team again. I know you know that I love you, that I’ll never leave you behind, and that I’ll always be there for you – no matter what. Even though you don’t live where I live – I’m here. And I’ll always be here.

Every day I work hard to become better, healthier and happier. Because of you. Because you deserve it. The right words are so hard to find and this should probably be a «yay – you’re five!» post, but this is what I have. Raw words, pride and love. Pride because I get to be your mother, raw words because even at my worst, you love me. Love, because you are you and I love you for it. Never change.

These words are so hard to write, think of and take in – but I love you kiddo and I wish you a happy birthday! Today we will celebrate with old friends, cake and laughter, and I hope you will trust me forever.

 

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